Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Barry Bonds: My Head isn't Bigger

Barry, Barry, Barry. In the worst interview since John Rocker, Barry Bonds gives us his opinions on steroids. I wasn't able to find the original transcript so we get these nuggets of wisdom via Seattle PI, The China Post and Inside Bay Area.

"You're talking about something that wasn't even illegal at the time," Bonds said. "All this stuff about supplements, protein shakes, whatever. Man, it's not like this is the Olympics. We don't train four years for, like, a 10-second (event)... We're entertainers. "
Yeah, the Major League Baseball isn't like the Olympics where they have those "records" that people spend their whole lives trying to break. Baseball players don't spend 4 years for a 10-second event. They are able to get 3 30 second at bats done in only 3 hours. No comparison.

Barry if you want to be an entertainer and use 'roids, why don't you do it like everyone else and become a Pro Wrestler?
"If I can't go out there and somebody pays $60 for a ticket, and I'm not in the lineup, who's getting cheated? Not me."
Someone is being cheated alright. $60 for a ticket?
"There are far worse things like cocaine, heroin and those types of things."
Isn't that the line you use when your Mom catches you smoking dope?
"You can't see, things look fuzzy, so what do you do? You go get glasses. Is that cheating? You get glasses so you can see, so you can do your job. What's the difference?"
No difference. Wearing glasses and doing 'roids are the same damn thing. Can't tell you how many times I got a worse grade than a guy wearing glasses and I would be like, "Oh yeah, lets see you do that without your glasses. Pussy."
"You want to define cheating in America? When they make a shirt in Korea for a US$1.50 and sell it here for US$500. And you ask me what cheating means."
Yeah and don't forget to mention those sneakers made in Thailand for $1 and then sold for $100 because the athlete that endorses it is making $50 million dollars. Ohh, maybe you didn't want that example. Ok, how bout this one: the average professional baseball player gets $3 million a year while the average teacher makes $40,000. Ohh, maybe you don't want that cheating example either.
"It busts me up when they show some teenager who's been on steroids and his life is suddenly messed up," Bonds said. "It's the parents' job to be a parent to that kid. ... I tell my boy (Nikolai), if I see you doing steroids, I'll bust you up. And I mean it."
Great, now you are going to take your Roid Rage aggression out on your kid. Nice parenting skills buddy.
"And you ask me what cheating means? I'll tell you how I cheat. I cheat because I'm my daddy's son. He taught me the game. He taught me things nobody else knows. So that's how I cheat. I'm my daddy's son."
I guess your daddy should have "busted you up" one time.
"What's all this about my head size?" Bonds asked. "My hat size is the same today as when I started. My head hasn't grown. I've always been a 7 1-4 to a 7 3-8 my whole career.
Barry its not the steroids that are giving you the biggest head in all of baseball.
"I can tell you my testicles are the same size," he added later. "They haven't shrunk. They're the same and work just the same as they always have."
Three words: too much information.

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